brilliantideas | FIRST TEST ☢ VIDEO / ACTION [GOLDENROD CITY]

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FIRST TEST ☢ VIDEO / ACTION [GOLDENROD CITY]

[Wheatley woke up in a human body in the Team Rocket base in Johto nearly a week ago. Since then he's been getting used to being human. That's a bit more pressing than the fact that he's in some strange new world with some odd companions - a bat and a snake. Wheatley's rather fond of the company, though he won't admit it. Today he's wandering Goldenrod City with Companion Bat - his starter Pokémon, a Woobat. He doesn't seem to be looking for anything in particular, but rather examining the city itself.]

[Eventually he'll stop, check the Gear, and finally prepare to introduce himself to the network.]

Ah, hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

[The video turns on to an extreme close-up of Wheatley's forehead. After a moment he pulls the Gear back and smiles. Wheatley has very pale skin, odd blue and black eyes, and short white hair that's parted neatly in the center. He would look menacing if it weren't apparent that he's tiny. The Woobat he's carrying should give the viewer some idea of just how short he is.]

Excellent, excellent! Good afternoon, Johto. I'm sure it's a pleasure to meet you and all that, but there are more pressing matters to attend to.

[Wheatley clears his throat.]

I'm sure there are others of you here who are... ah, like me. That is to say, there are others of you here who didn't start out as a smelly-- ah, I mean, as a human. So! What I'm asking is-- Well, I'm sure there are others who have asked the same thing, but bear with me-- How do I return home? I have some important things to take care of back home and, well... I'd rather not be a human. Oh, don't get me wrong, the freedom is very nice! Very nice. But I would like to get home, and I'm certain someone must know how to return home.

[Oh, he's gone on for far too long, hasn't he? Wheatley laughs awkwardly.]

Well, thank you for your time, then! I hope to hear from someone soon!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hah! Good luck with that! I've been here for almost half a sweep and I haven't found a way home. Or a way back to my normal body. Human bodies are fucking weird.

Edited 2012-03-24 23:13 (UTC)

A sweep? From the context I can guess it's a unit of time, but I've never heard of it before. What were you originally? If I may ask. I don't mean to pry.

[Except he kind of does.]

What's the matter with bein' human, dude?

Oh, there's nothing wrong with being human! Of course there isn't.

[Except you humans are smelly.]

It's just-- Well, you see, I wasn't human to begin with. I'd rather not be human now. It's quite difficult to get used to.

What were you before, then? 'Cause like, I ain't human either, but it hasn't been that hard for me to get used to it.

[granted, the extent of moon kid's species adjustments have been 'oh bummer I can't float anymore', but.]

Ah, I'm a Personality Construct! Or rather, I was. Before I suddenly appeared here and turned into a human.

Never heard of a Personality Construct before. Like, what're they like?

You've never heard of a Personality Construct? What a shame-- though now that I think about it, I suppose that would make sense. Most of the test subjects in stasis were ki-- brain-damaged. Yes. Brain-damaged.

[Oh right, there was a point to this, wasn't there?]

Well, a Personality Construct... hmm. I suppose you could call us "robots" though that's such a generic term and one I'd really rather not assign to myself, you know.

[Test subjects and brain damage doesn't sound good, but he's too distracted by robots to comment on that.]

So you were all mechanical and stuff? Dude, that's totally awesome!

... you might be human now, but you sure still show the signs of not being before...

Besides, being human isn't all that bad! You get to have thumbs!

Ah, do I now? Oh! Oh, right, the eyes. Yes, I did notice that they're a teensy bit different.

[Though to be fair, he had to study several Rocket Grunts in order to figure out that there is a difference...]

Well, I suppose there is that. I mean, I had no need for hands at all before, much less thumbs. But it is nice to actually touch things.

I think it's more than a teensy bit... More like a bigsy bit!

R... Really? You didn't need hands...? Did you have, um... paws? Or people to do things for you instead?

Oh no, of course not! I was attached to a rail, you see, and that was rather difficult at times - and oh, they told me I wasn't supposed to disconnect myself from it or I'd die! But I did, and I didn't die! It was amazing-- oh, but no, I had no use for hands. It's quite the interesting change, I must tell you.

A... A rail?

... ... you... you weren't some kind of sentient train, were you?

A train? Oh no, not at all! No, I was a Personality Construct! A train would be quite the downgrade, though I suppose the mobility would be nice. The rail didn't really leave much room to move - quite the annoyance!

Personality.... Construct..???

Um... I don't really get it, but you definitely seem to have quite the personality...

Don't think you're gonna get anywhere, so you might as well get used to it. [said with a teensy bit of vehemence.]

There's no way to leave? But how did we end up here in the first place? There must be some way to return home.

[Though from the sound of it... you've tried and haven't been able to find any way to return home.]

[he shakes his head.] The only way in, or out of this place is by the people in charge of this place. Wherever they are.

Ah, so simply find them and execute some force. That doesn't sound too difficult! But it seems as though no one's actually done it yet. Why not? Are these people really that difficult to find? Unless they're not people and they're a computer - which I could see, it certainly would be difficult to persuade a computer to alter its programming-- Oh, but does that mean that this entire world is a simulation? No, scratch that, I don't believe it's possible for me to be here if that's the case... Hmm...

[So sorry, he tends to get sidetracked a lot.]

[it is okay!!! conner's kind of quiet anyways, aha...]

It could be a possibility... But why? What makes you so different?

Oh, I'm a Personality Construct! I mean, I suppose a simulation could be inserted into my programming, but who would be capable of creating it? The scientists are all gone - thanks to her - but-- Oh, I suppose she could have created it, though really there wouldn't have been any point to it... Unless this is a test! Oh my. I hadn't thought of that. Well, I suppose that is a possibility...

[Good luck getting any real information out of him, Conner. He just likes to talk to himself.]

Are you a robot or something? [his eyebrows raise a little.] Her? Test?

What, you were some kind of alien?

[Mickey can believe it, with those eyes.]

Oh no, certainly not! ...Well actually, it depends on where this place is. If it's not on earth then yes, I suppose I would be considered an alien. Ah, but that's irrelevant isn't it? Everyone's human here, right? So there's really no reason to worry about it!

Changing species isn't something to worry about?

[Well, the Doctor was kind of casual about it, but he's the Doctor.]

Ah, no, that's not quite what I meant. I meant whether or not I'm an alien. That's irrelevant.

I think it'd be a LITTLE relevant.

[Aliens would probably have better technology for a situation like this, for one.]

But no, I don't think anyone knows a way home. Wherever that is.

[And he knows at least one person who'd probably have found a way by now, if there was one.]

Too bad for you, you're stuck here as a human until this place decides to make you disappear.

Annoying, isn't it?

Are you saying this place has a mind of its own? How fascinating! It must be run by a supercomputer or something; there's no way it could run without something like that! Oh, I wonder if it's her running the place... It really wouldn't be surprising. She does like creating tests. I haven't seen any Portal Guns here though...

[Sorry, Envy, Wheatley seems to have gotten lost in his own thoughts.]

[Yeah, he noticed that. Man, Wheatley what are you even talking about.]

Who's 'she'?

[That sounds like the one question out of many that might have an easy answer.]

Oh. You're here.

[You're not getting a video to go with it, but that voice should sound very familiar there, Wheatley.

How's it going? We're not impressed.]

[Oh no, not you. What are you doing here?]

Well. I suppose whatever dragged me here has decided to bring you along as well. Isn't this a pleasant reunion? Ahaha... no, no it's really not.

[Linefacing so hard on this end of the gear, GLaDOS. Ugh.]

So, you're a human too, then? I do hope you're enjoying it.

Oh, yes. Almost as much as I enjoyed seeing what you've done to the facility.

[Beat.]

You know, I really should congratulate you - you sound like you're doing just fine. I'm really impressed! What with how well you took care of those humans in stasis, it must be quite a feat for you to have lasted as long as you have.

Nnnnnope! No going home!

Well why not? There must be some way to return home! I have things to do, tests to run! A pesky human to defeat!

Doesn't matter! You're stuck!

WHY AREN'T YOU STILL IN SPACE-

Oh. You're not who I thought you were. Sorry.

I did not use to be a human either.

And I have yet to discover a way to return to our respective homes that is not exclusively ruled by fate.

[Though it's not like he looked really hard for it, haha. He'll never say it, but he loves being an earthling.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

FIRST TEST ☢ VIDEO / ACTION [GOLDENROD CITY]

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Audio forever, and oh my god I can't brain this morning

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Video [HOW THE HELL DID I MISS THIS GAAH] 1/2

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Text. And uuugh, I didn't really want to miss this. But I did. Kill me now.